Reflections of a Final Med

It’s crazy!!!

I’m so tired. How I long for a good loooonnnggg sleep.

Though I’ll have to say, that this medical rotation, is the best learning I’ve done, in comparison with the

other 2 medical rotations in 3 rd year. What a waste though, those earlier rotations! And dear Prof

Samuel, it was Neurology then! Neurology, I found it stimulating, in fact I did enjoy it. But it was just as

overwhelmingly confusing.

Then, I wasn’t sure about how to go about studying, and things just didn’t make sense. Interesting yes,

but things didn’t connect. Looking back, I was probably that lost sheep, trying to figure out how to do

my best, and simply failing in figuring that out. I wish I knew then, what I know now. My paediatric

rotation was a HUGE help. We were so guided at a basic level, and that helped me understand where my

weakness was in anatomy and physiology, and HOW to work on it.

Now, on things being overwhelming, it doesn’t help that medicine isn’t my passion. How I wish it were!

That would’ve saved me a whole lot of trying to self-motivate, and mustering up a level of required

initiative in my learning. I’m more guilt driven, rather than of passion. Guilt driven because I cannot

afford to be an irresponsible doctor if I were to get into this profession.

It’s LIVES that we’re dealing with, and that should be a huge deal! I’ve seen too many incompetent

doctors, and that’s who I never want to be. I believe in having an excellent spirit, and in giving my best in

the things that I’m tasked with. Hence, this dilemma with being guilt driven, is some paradoxical

phenomenon. I find myself falling short of my standards, while the wild side (the passionate side?) of me

dreads the routine and daily discipline of going to hospital.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the patient interaction, I enjoy that social aspect, the skill, the intuition. I

figured it was why I so enjoyed Paediatrics, and especially my Psychiatric rotation. I guess it’s the

medical learning, the perfectionist mindset as a doctor, that is very much the opposite of my

personality.

Also realizing that my best efforts may never measure up to a required level of competence. This guilt

thing, it’s something at least, it gets the task done. But it’ll never measure up to the drive one gets from

being passion driven. And things get tough, really tough, when the stress of final year sets in. Too many

times have I thought of simply giving up. What’s the point of pressing on? What’s the point of simply

finishing this bland degree? What’s the point of subjecting myself to daily dread?

Oh well! I’m taking one day at a time. That’s the best I can do. Learning to appreciate and be thankful for

the little bits and moments in my day. Who knows the craze and stress the next day may bring. It’s a

humbling process, this journey of 5 years. That makes me smile. How human we are. How fragile and

raw. Herein ends, crazy medical school!

#reflection #congratulations